I was starting to get overwhelmed....
knowing I was behind and had to catch up
was a pretty daunting feeling. I was just
getting farther and farther behind.
So I decided to just pick up today and
slowly when I had time go back and read
an extra chapter from the past to catch up.
So here I am.....
I feel like there was a reason to startthis today. I had no idea where we were
what chapter we were on.....only that we
were somewhere in Alma. But, I am so happy
I decided to do this today!!!
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I love How Alma starts this chapter
in verse 3 he says
"...for I do know that whosoever shall
put their trust in God shall be
supported in their trials, and their
troubles, and their afflictions, and shall
be lifted up at the last day."
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Not to long ago Travis and I decided to set
a goal of being sealed in the Temple.
So we had to go through the repentance process.
Which is not always the easiest thing to do.
I was embarrassed and ashamed of choices
that I had made in the past. I felt the weight of these
choices getting heavier and heavier over
the course of many years. All the people
I had deceived, let down and hurt was constantly
in the back of my mind. We met with
the Bishop and the Stake President and
started the process of repentance.
I don't think I have ever cried so much and felt so guilty before in my life.
I was so ashamed of all these things I
was admitting to have done. I felt like
such a horrible person.
Then, the stake president who was
such a wonderful person had this quality about him,
It was as if Christ himself was there. I felt
so loved by him even though I felt as if
I was proving to him how horrible a person
I was. I never felt judged by his gaze, I
never felt as if he thought I was hopeless.
Instead I only felt his compassion and love
every time I looked into his eyes. I felt as
if he was so happy I had returned home.
He turnedto Alma chapter 36 and read
verses 12-24 to us and for the first time I felt
hope that these things I had done would not
weigh on me for all of eternity!! I knew that
I would be forgiven, but my fear was that my
recollection of these sins would torment me
throughout my life. I must have read this
chapter 100 times. And I can say now
that although I have not forgotten the
things I have done, they do not
weigh on me so heavily. I am so
thankful for the power of the atonement.
The knowledge that we have someone no matter
the circumstance, no matter the magnitude
that we can turn to, is such a wonderful and
powerful thing. He will always be there for
us so long as we seek him out. There is comfort
in the atonement, in the Gospel, and most of
all in the Saviour!!!
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So all in all I am so happy to be back on track
and what a wonderful chapter for me
to come back to. Now I look at that day in
the office as a joyful day. A day I will always
remember because of the joy I can now
feel, a true happiness that I had been
missing for so many years.
